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Lunch at Giordano's

The kids we're great at lunch. My six kids shared, said please and thank you without any prompting. It was a FUN feast of pizza!

Off to the Sear's Tower!

People Tell Me It's A Girl Thang

I still feel like I am new at this Mutha of girls thang. They are a completely different species. And I just don't get them sometimes. Little Miss S, for example, has been...how can I say it? Horrific? Dreadful? MMM... downright evil towards me? Yes, yes... that describes it perfectly.

How can such a cute little bundle of Guatemalan love be so bad? I don't know. But man, when she gets angry, she takes it out on me. What? You want an example? OK. It's time to take a nap and head upstairs. If I don't let her crawl up the stairs all by herself (maybe her diaper is full of crap OR we are behind schedule) she will try to scratch my eyes out. Yes, she goes for the face every time. Oh, you need another one? Let's say The Hubby has to go into the office and he puts her down and kisses her goodbye. She will get mad, start to scream, find me, and then start whaling all over my legs. Nice, huh? Wait little girl, aren't you mad at your father? Isn't he the one that just broke your heart? Isn't he the one that just kissed you and left you here with mean ol' Mommy?

It doesn't matter what he does. He is her world. He could be gone for two minutes or two hours, the moment he walks into the room it's, "DADDY!, I've missed you so much. Where have you been? Mommy doesn't love me like you do. You are the best daddy ever, and you are handsome and oh so smart. Did I mention that you look very handsome today, and you are the best hugger EVER! BTW Dad, don't tell Mommy I told you all this." Okay... she doesn't actually say this (she doesn't talk much).

BUT, I know she's thinking it!

God Bless You

I ALWAYS say "bless you" when I hear someone sneeze. I could be in the supermarket or walking down the street, it doesn't matter.  People are always surprised to hear a stranger bless them soon after they have sneezed. I have always enjoyed their reaction. I think it is just plain polite to do so.

So, we started a new little thing a few months ago.

Someone sneezes...WE ALL SAY BLESS YOU!
It's very cute when Baby S sneezes and seven people are blessing her from across the room.

Just another little lesson in the Manners Department.

The One Hour Tantrum

Is it possible for a three year old to have a tantrum for an hour?

The answer is yes. By the way, we were parked outside the school. I LOVE PUBLIC TANTRUMS!!!

Here is the story. Z did not want to get out of the truck to go get his big brother. Unfortunately for him, he had no choice. I didn’t want to drag him, so I put him in the stroller so I could physically handle the situation. He screamed all the way to the school stating that HE WANTED OUT!!! I told him before we got to the school, that I would let him out AFTER he stopped the tantrum.

Well, 62 minutes later he stopped. Yes, 62 minutes. One hour and two minutes. I did not scream at him once or put my hands on him. Trust me, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and strangle him. But I knew that would not help.

So my three other children, and another little man I take home from school, sat in the truck
and waited. And waited. And waited.

I got the stares and the “poor thing” from some of the moms walking by. Of course I was embarrassed. But this was not about me. This was about him. He needed to understand that I was ALWAYS going to win these wars. ALWAYS. He needed to understand how to calm himself down when he has gotten himself in such a whirlwind tantrum.

So he did. 62 minutes later. He stopped screaming and kicking. He apologized to me in such a sweet little voice. It was so sweet that it unnerved me. As if he had no recollection of what just happened.

Luckily my great friend Mrs. P drove by. I talked to her for a few minutes. I told her I was so wound up that I just wanted to cry. She then told me she was proud of me. She was proud because I didn’t scream, put a hand on him, and let him get away with it.

That meant so much to me. Thank you Mrs. P, thank you.

So three out of four are in bed now. Thank God. I told them I needed time alone this afternoon.

I need to completly forgive him for what just happened. The “mean and impatient” mommy wants to punish him all day. I want to send him to his room all day, no outside time and no TV time. But that would only make me feel better. The “rational” mommy knows that sitting in the hot sun, locked in the stroller for 62 minutes was enough punishment for him.

So I will take this hour to calm down, eat lunch, and forgive.

I must say, this holds true....

Muthahood Aint For Sissies

Muthahood Ain’t For Sissies | Motherhood Ain’t For Sissies

Eating Out 101

We have spent years training, yes training, our children to behave in restaurants.

It is work getting our tribe set up at a table. Getting the table situated perfectly and harmoniously is an art form. We know who can sit next to whom, and the hubby and I always sit between the girls since they need the most assistance when it comes to eating.

It wasn’t always easy. Years of practice, patience, and trips to the bathrooms* have resulted in everyone knowing what is expected of them. (*This is where we have our private discipline conversations.)

It started with our eldest, J. When he entered my life at 18 months, he was NOT the greatest kid to take to a restaurant. He needed to be entertained ALL of the time, and when he was finished with his meal he would push and/or toss the plate forward to let us know he was done.
Not cool. We decided he needed better restaurant etiquette. So our restaurant of choice was the loudest deli we could find. It was perfect. He could throw a tantrum, clank the plates, and we could reprimand him in a manner that was timely and not distracting to the other patrons. He responded quickly, and he is the best mannered kid I know.

So we continued this with all the others. We broke in each new kid and they seemed to follow the others example. There are some very strict rules that we I follow each time we go out to eat.

Before we walk into the restaurant, we ask them what needs to happen. “We need to be gentleman and good listeners,” are always the first things they shout out. We tell them what we expect and if they cannot oblige, negative consequences will result.

Since not every restaurant supplies crayons, I keep, in the truck, a small book-bag filled with crayons, coloring books, and legos to keep them busy.

They are required to stay seated at ALL times. There is nothing more distracting than a child running around a restaurant. It is dangerous for them and the waiters and disrespectful to the other patrons trying to enjoy their meal. By the way, this behavior must start at home. We train the little ones to sit in their seats the longest. Kids need to wait and be patient until they are excused from the table, even when they are only 14 months old. A screaming child should not be allowed out of their high chair just because they think they are done and want to get up. You CAN’T expect a kid to sit in a restaurant for an hour, if you allow them to run around your home during a meal. I can’t stress this enough! This one is the most important to master.

Absolutely no loud voices. This might be the hardest one for us. One of the boys, yes it is the 5 year old, has a dysfunctional volume control button. I don’t know why. He is loud all the time. He has been this way since birth. Maybe it is a middle child thing and he feels that he is not being heard. I should ask Dr. Phil!

If they are old enough to order for themselves, the words please and thank you are always mandatory.

By the way, there is always a group pee. If this didn’t happen the moment we walked in, it would be a nightmare for us as parents.

We have worked really hard on this. We have taken these kids to all kinds of restaurants all around the country. From dives in Texas to 5 stars in Hawaii.

They are great kids in general. They are very well behaved kids in restaurants. I must brag a bit. Every time we are out to eat, someone always goes out of their way to approach us and tell us how wonderful and well behaved our children are!!

It’s hard workd to be able to be proud parents!!

Muthahood Ain’t For Sissies | Motherhood Ain’t For Sissies

Bouncing On the Bed

It drives me batty to see kids jumping on furniture. I don’t know why, it just does.

I blame my nephews. I remember when they were teeny tiny (they are in Junior High and High school now) and I would watch them pull all the cushions off the couches and jump from couch to couch, couch to floor, floor to couch. It drove me nuts years before I had my own kids! Maybe that is why it is a major rule in my house. No jumping, standing, rebounding, flipping or tackling on the furniture. This rule also applies to beds. Absolutely no jumping on the beds.

I have give-them-an-inch-they’ll-take-a-mile kind of kids. If I let them stand on their own beds, they would start playing the trampoline-army-tackle-flying monkey kind of games. This is why I am so tough on this particular rule.

And because I am so nutty about this, it drives me crazy when I have guests over whose children think that my couch is the same amazing trampoline that they have at their house. Then the parents chuckle and say that “boys will be boys and that he is only five.” I wonder what my face looked like when his mommy said this to me! My guess is that my head was tilted left, eyebrows scrunched down and I had a very unattractive, forced smile.

I understand that I am somewhat rigid and that it is totally fun to jump on the bed/couch/chair! I was a kid once too! I just need to teach my kids that they need to respect the house and the furniture. When these rules are so deep in their brains, the idea of doing it at grandmas house, or the Queen of England’s house is absurd.

So, there is one exception to this rule. When we go on vacation, they can jump on the beds in the hotel. They love it!! They have such a good time and they feel that it is a privilege. I must say on this past cross country trip with six kids, it was very difficult to just let them be crazy and have fun. There were two new members of the tribe who were innocent bystanders on the floor waiting to get trampled by an older brother. After day three, the “only one brother on a bed and take turns rule” came into effect. Things were better and safer for everyone after that.

So the moral of this story are... have fun and jump on hotel beds as much as you like. And when you come visit me at my house... keep your kids from jumping on my couch and you won’t have to see that crazy and unattractive look on my face!

Muthahood Ain’t For Sissies | Motherhood Ain’t For Sissies

Three Strikes Rule

I hate it when kids interupt adults.

Hate is a very strong word in my house. I will explain “strong words” in a later post. Back to the interrupting thing. I hate it when kids interupt. An “excuse me mommy” is always necessary. I do not always stop the conversation right then and there, even with the polite words. I hold the childs hand so he knows that I know he is waiting for me. When I feel he has been patient long enough I stop my conversation.

That is an easy one to teach. I would say a good week of constant, ”what do you say when two adults are speaking?” will get the job done.

I had a bigger problem than that. Imagine dinner at my house. Four boys, a baby girl, hubby, and me sitting around the table. I must say, it gets very loud. We have a ritual every night. We do not say grace. We go around the table telling each other what we are thankful for that particular day. The 11 year old might say “playing outside wih so and so.” Followed by the six year old and his list of exactly what he did in alphabetical and chronological order. The four year old might then say that he is thankful for jumping on the trampoline. The littlest of the boys always starts with thanking me for making dinner (which he usually doesn‘t eat - I don‘t get it ), and ends with how much he loves his new baby sister.

The problem is, until a few days ago, they could not shut up long enough to NOT interrupt one of their siblings (or us for that matter) during this wonderful family time. So... mama laid down the new rules.

Welcome to California Boys and The Three Strikes Law!
You interrupt? Strike One.
Again? Strike two
OH NO! Not the third time! DONE. YOU ARE SO OUTTA HERE. I do not care how much you have eaten or how hungry you are. UPSTAIRS YOUNG MAN, SHOWER, AND INTO BED!!

It worked! I couldn’t believe it! Of course there was a sacraficial lamb to prove that we meant business. I didn’t care. He marched upstairs and did his business and was in his room before six!

It took one time for them to REALLY understand the newest of the rules in the Turner house.

They know they better shut that adorable trap of theirs before strike three!

Muthahood Ain’t For Sissies | Motherhood Ain’t For Sissies

Sorry Just Ain't Good Enough!

I see the following scene all the time: kids who have just hit one of their parents at the park, rolling their eyes and screaming "sorry" as they go running off to play with their little friends. Do they know what they are apologizing for? Do they understand what they did wrong? Do they even care? Are they really sorry? I've never understood why people accept BS apologies. Even as adults, when we do something wrong, we often throw out and accept the quick, "Sorry!" We do it because this is what we were taught.

That's not good enough, not for my family. At our house, an apology has to be a straight up in your face apology. There has to be good eye contact and it's got to be specific....

"I'm sorry for hitting you."
"I'm sorry for hurting your feelings."
"I'm sorry for throwing a tantrum."

The victim involved then has the right to accept or to not accept their apology. Here's the criteria: Were they looking in your eyes when they said I'm sorry? Did they really mean it? If you don't think so, say "I don't accept that apology." If they accept the apology, the victim looks the perpetrator back in the eyes and says "Thank you for apologizing."

Children need to learn empathy. They need to understand that their words and/or actions can hurt people. It is our job to teach them. It is our job to be the example for them. When we have hurt their feelings, we as parents need to apologize to them in the same respectful manner.

When we do this, we have set an example. We have to set the STANDARD.

Think about it.