I wrote a post on Cafemom entitled I'm Just A Little Somber and A Bit Overwhelmed. One of my favorite Muthas there made a comment on it that struck a chord. (With regards to her going to Africa with one of her friends one day) she said "I wish I could go with her! I don't know how you do it with 6 kids and all. I guess if the Lord wants me to go, he will open the doors!"
I agree... to a point. I believe in God. I always have. I believe there is "something" out there that is much more powerful than I could ever imagine. For me, it is God. The miracles of the world are too great for this not to be true. My children are proof of this.
I also believe that God is so great that He gave me free will. He is like a great parent. A great teacher. He "parents" me in a way that I must learn on my own. He shows me, teaches me the right way, the compassionate way to live my life. But it is my choice to live that way or not. It would be very easy for me to turn my back on it all. It would be easy for me to pretend that I owe nothing to the world. It would be easier for me NOT to care about the orphans in Africa. It would be easier for me not to work as hard as I do to raise the money I need to help them. It would be easier for me to just live in my home and play house. Trust me on this one. My life was easier back then when I knew nothing.
But I listened to the whispers that were in my heart.
Was that God? I don't know. But the only way to move forward was to not
just listen, not to just wait for a "sign" to appear. I had to take the
steps forward to make it happen.
I wrote these two sentences down months ago on a scratch piece of paper, taped them to my computer screen and I look at them every morning.
"I don't want to wait and not live MY life in the process"
"It's about taking the steps to get there when you want to make your dreams come true."
For
me, I knew if I did not make that phone call, or had sent that email to
Global Volunteer Network, I wouldn't be going to Africa. Yes, it could
have been God whispering in my heart, but it was my dream, my hope, my
will to take the steps forward to make it happen. If I didn't listen,
and I turned my back, I know that my reasons to be here on earth would
have never been seen.
My fear is that so many of us, as mothers, put our dreams on the back burner for our families. When the dream is this big, you can not, should not, contain it. We don't have to put our lives on hold to live the life we want. If in fact God gave me free will, it would be a shame to waste it.
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