I just paused Oprah. She has posed the question, ”Who am I?” The first thing that popped into my mind was I am a woman. I love being a woman most of the time. I’m not so thrilled during the first two days of my period, but other than those days, I love being a woman.
I am a strong woman, physically and emotionally. I am a very emotional woman. I cry when I am happy, sad or angry. When my emotions get too intense, I want to scream or cry. Is there a middle ground somewhere for me?
I am a truly blessed woman. I have married the perfect man for me. He knows me. He knows I am crazy. But he does not love me anyway, he loves me because I am. I know I am this happy because of this. He loves me. He respects me. He validates me. He appreciates me. He wants me. For that, I am blessed.
I am a controlling woman, a true control freak with many things. I like my house to be clean. OK, organized. If you walked in you would think it was clean. But dust can be found on any horizontal surface. The mirrors in my bathroom could ALWAYS be washed. But I know where everything is. It gives me peace, true peace, when my home is in order. I spend all day here, it is my job not to keep the house clean, but to keep my soul happy. I know myself enough that when the house is in dissaray, so is my peace of mind. So, I guess I am an organized person.
I am an aggressive woman. Do not mess with me or my family or it could get ugly. I would describe myself as a hyena. Hyena mothers will protect to the death, but will also eat their young. That is me. I know in the same hour my children will see the “do not mess with me young man” mom and the “most tender loving kiss you all over your face because I can‘t get enough of you mom.” Perhaps that’s more psychotic than anything.
I am not a sweet woman. You have those friends, maybe you are one of them, who are sweet and loving, and will give you the shirts off their backs. That is not me. I have never claimed to be sweet. Nice... yes. However, if you met me, sweet would not be the word you would choose to describe me.
Am I an opinionated woman? Yes and no. I find myself only having issues with those who make really poor choices for their children. But here’s my problem... who am I to say that they are poor choices? This is my downfall. This is where I know I need to improve. I just know that letting a small child drink soda (I’ve seen soda in a bottle) and letting 10 year old children see most PG-13, let alone R rated movies, is a really bad idea. I need to end that with, “a bad idea for my kids.” Why do I feel the need to even have an opinion on it? It is something I am trying to work on. I have gotten better... but only a little.
I am a mother. According to Oprah, that is not who I am, but what I am. But being a mother is so much a part of my life that I have to disagree. Maybe it’s different for me because this is what I have always wanted to be and do. This is my job. This is what I am good at. If I had to go back to the outside world and put on heels to go to work, I would feel cheated. It would not be the job I love - being a mom.
This is the hardest job. Well, maybe being the leader of the free world or a leader of any country might be up there too. But this is my world. In my world, in my life, this is the toughest thing I have ever done. I know I am good at what I do. Not perfect. I wouldn’t want that. I want my children see me make mistakes, and then become a better person because of them. I am human. I want them to see me that way.
Well, I’d love to write more, but that’s all the insight for now... I was just told that the three year old peed in the sprinklers in the backyard.
Muthahood Ain’t For Sissies | Motherhood Ain’t For Sissies
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